> Seems you have to be current on your account to port your number

This is illegal:

“Once you request service from a new company, your old company cannot refuse to port your number, even if you owe money for an outstanding balance or termination fee” [1].

Author should report Google Fi to the FCC once the government is back online.

[1] https://www.fcc.gov/consumers/guides/porting-keeping-your-ph...

I'm not a lawyer yada yada but it says on my dollar bill that it's legal tender for all debts, public and private.

Show up at Google HQ security gate with cash in hand and journalist in tow?

Forget the journalist, just live stream it via a YouTube account with a psuedonym first/last name. Considering how disorganized Google is, I doubt they'd take it down for a good while (if at all).

Paging Banksy