Do you (or anyone) have recommendations on a type of meditation that does not totally disengage your mind?
I have a problem that after lots of meditation I become more disengaged and "spacey". Its fine to look at myself in a detached way, but sometimes I want appropriate engagement with those feelings. During stressful times I don't end up more engaged or challenged, I just feel "checked out". This became pervasive in social situations as well.
Check out Taoist practices, specifically the Microcosmic Orbit. When a lot of chi enters the head it can lead to what you describe. The key is to 'ground' yourself by learning to bringing it back down. Physically stroking down from your head to your belly imagining you're drawing electrical energy down and circling your hands at your belly can help (touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and imagine you're running energy/electricity down through it down to your belly). It's safer to store energy in your navel, throwing off any excess into the Earth. This can stop you feeling spaced out.
Unfortunately I've not been entirely happy with most of the courses I've taken online though so can't really recommend one. I wasn't impressed with Michael Winn's courses [1] in general in case you stumble across his stuff, nor Ken Cohen. I'd suggest exploring books or look for other recommendations (The Tao Bums [2] could be a good place to start). The basics are pretty easy to pick up from books (but overall for meditation I'd say you need a real teacher, either in person or available for video tutoring/chats).
This is very bad and dangerous advice. Please don’t try to learn and practice advanced energy arts from books and the internet. At best you will waste your time, at worst you will mess yourself up.
Source: 15 years of practice under instruction of a master.
IMHO, you're making the common mistake thinking that meditation is about sitting still and thinking about nothing, or lazily observing your thoughts. Meditation has one specific goal: training to focus your mind. Meditation is when you pick a simple static object and try to visualize it in front of you with all details, with eyes open and lights on. Yes, that's right. The goal is to visualize it so well that it would be no different than looking at it with your eyes. There are many common difficulties there: the object will be disappearing, floating away, transforming into something else, getting too blurry or too dim. But eventually youll be able to visualize more and more complex objects, then switch to complex ideas and finally reach the state when you're fully focused at all times without effort. Meditation is more like yoga and it is pretty exhaustive if you bother to put effort into this and not just sit and stare into a wall.
That's one specific type of meditation. More broadly, meditation can be used to further a wide variety of goals.
For example, Aleister Crowley taught a type of insight meditation that was intended to increase one's personal power over others. His technique was very similar to the one I was taught, which was supposed to be for developing insight into the emptiness of all phenomena.
Maybe. Meditation can be about doing nothing. In fact, not even doing that. See: shikentaza, and a theravada monk advised just that to me last night ;)
That is the opposite of what I was taught; I was asked to maintain the maximum possible awareness of what was going on in my mind and around me.
"Spacey"
That is congruent with my experience.
Allow time after a meditation session to have a cup of tea, experience the weather, or whatever. Spaceyness wears off after about ten minutes, and you'll be ready to get back to computer programming, arguing with colleagues, disciplining small children, or whatever it is that the spaceyness was getting in the way of.
Practicing meditation does include a technical process of continual adjustment. When you realize you are just spacey, engage your attention on the current moment and physical sensations. Apply your concentration to being here and cultivate a bright awareness.
Later you may find yourself too concentrated and forceful, trying too hard to meditate. Then you need to release and simply sit and exist.
Concentration / expansion (spacing out) is the axis of practice.
feeling checked out is a form of disassociation and could be a sign of burnout or trauma response. Meditation will give you the tools to recognize this, stay with it ans and embrace it fully.
Even through text alone I sense there is fear of seeing what exactly happens when the thoughts quiet down. You'll be safe, you'll bring into surface what is causing this feeling. You'll be free of it.
I have a problem that after lots of meditation I become more disengaged and "spacey". Its fine to look at myself in a detached way, but sometimes I want appropriate engagement with those feelings. During stressful times I don't end up more engaged or challenged, I just feel "checked out". This became pervasive in social situations as well.