Early to late twenties for me. I struggled through AA but I found it to be too defeatist. I couldn’t get clean framing the problem the way that they do.
The turning point for me was a joke by a stand up comedian that kind of glorified being a drunk. Doug Stanhope had a line similar to “addiction is just a thing you like doing more than living your life”. I chose to live my life. I got hobbies, took classes, worked a lot and I got through the first few months by staying busy. Over time I balanced out my life schedule (also finding out I have workaholic tendencies).
Everyone’s path is different. I can’t believe mine has worked for 6 years. AA isn’t for everyone, but it works for many. It should be the default first option for people wanting out.
The issue is for many people this is an unstable equilibrium. When things start going wrong people drink more which makes things worse.
My best friend was a raging alcoholic for 20 years, he would go through cycles of moderate then heavy drinking, hit bottom, give it up for a few months, and repeat. Unfortunately he simply loved alcohol and really did not want to give it up.
Total abstinence seems like it gives up a huge positive, but insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Many people simply can’t have alcohol in their lives and be happy long term. That might not be you, but it’s something to think about.
In the moments where addiction has crept into my life (I've been fortunate enough to observe it and have a good enough life that I could correct it; I can see how if things were worse, I might not have had that control), I've always had this awful feeling that I was just escaping. The fastest route out of consciousness, no effort, no feeling, no hope for myself. I think for many of us, addiction really is about escaping the ordinary because when your ordinary becomes painful, coping can become a tremendous burden. I don't hold peoples addictions against them at all... If you prefer drinking over your life, you're probably battling something awful. Maybe it's things happening right now, maybe it's something that happened to you. Maybe you have acute mental illness that's virtually undetectable to others and you've tried to live the way everyone expects for 20 years +, and it's too much now. I think this is quite common. If that's how someone feels, they have my sympathy. My life has been pretty good all things said, but I've felt incredibly overwhelmed at times. Life can be hard as hell. Sometimes you just want to turn it off for a while.
I feel like my whole life is a series of addictions designed to prevent me from drudging through the extreme anger and sadness I have in my life. At least, luckily, I don't like to drink so excessively.
Yep. I can't be totally sure the extent to which I've unpacked my issues versus improved my ability to mask them. I'm positive I do both, but a great deal of good fortune means that I'll have to wait for the inevitable dark times to find out.
I reread Burroughs when I get like that. From Wild Boys, in the chapter "Dead Child":
I held out my hands no more power left in them head against a tree it was cold on my eyes moon that night solid I could touch almost couldn't get the leg was broken and teeth tore past the bones at me begging for help pictures all cut up knife had fallen I lay there my pieces moved and shifted against a tree I spit up from my stomach green when day came and mist steamed up to the top of the high tree just under the leaves at the top and looking down I could see my body lying there the leg all twisted and the face caved in lips drawn back showing teeth I could see and hear but I couldn't talk without a throat without a tongue sun moon and stars on the face down there worms in the leg weeds growing through the bones.
The turning point for me was a joke by a stand up comedian that kind of glorified being a drunk. Doug Stanhope had a line similar to “addiction is just a thing you like doing more than living your life”. I chose to live my life. I got hobbies, took classes, worked a lot and I got through the first few months by staying busy. Over time I balanced out my life schedule (also finding out I have workaholic tendencies).
Everyone’s path is different. I can’t believe mine has worked for 6 years. AA isn’t for everyone, but it works for many. It should be the default first option for people wanting out.