Not sure if this will help, but I'll share my very recent story of how ageism looks from the other (youngish people) side, which contains some pitfalls to avoid.
I'm 32, and the technical lead of a mid-sized research computing / ML team in quasi-academia. I'm the one who tells the boss whether a hire is technically competent, performing up to standard, is meshing well with the team, etc. So I don't make hire/fire decisions myself but have substantial influence on them.
Usually, when we hire people > 30, they are PhDs with a specific specialty, like statistics. But recently we hired a guy from industry in his early 50s to do some programming, web dev, and light ML. He had, obviously a long CV with programming and some practice with ML/statistics, although nothing related to our field. Here are some of the things this guy has done in the ~1 months before and since his hiring:
1. He frequently bullshits in presentations and meetings, pretending to know things he doesn't know.
2. Very shortly after joining, he has recommended we radically rebuild several of our systems in different, "better" ways -- ways which he's familiar with. For example, we have a web app on AWS Ubuntu, and he has repeatedly asked why we can't just run a Windows server.
3. If he doesn't know something, he insists on getting step-by-step tutorials from technical people in the lab, but tutorials in how to do things HIS way. For example, we all use Linux and an SSH client, but he wasted 2 hours of my time asking how to SSH into AWS using PuTTY on Windows, how to copy files using WinSCP, etc, since of course he only uses Windows. He claims he'll learn Linux eventually, but wants to use what he knows "for now", "so that he can more rapidly produce results".
4. The first time I met the guy in person (not immediately due to COVID), he had plopped himself and his laptop down in my desk, without asking, and even readjusted my chair settings, and complained about my office being messy. I'm #2 in seniority...
Any one of these alone would be...annoying, but all together he is almost a caricature of every ageist stereotype in tech. He expects a level of respect he feels is due his experience level, while simultaneously he resists learning anything about the way his new organization does things...presumably because he knows better?
It puts me in an awkward situation because I'm kind of his technical supervisor. If he were a new graduate student, I would tell him to cut out the bullshit, figure things out, and quit wasting my time (and commandeering my desk). Since he is almost twice my age it is too awkward to read him the riot act, though, and I don't really know how to deal with this.
My takeaway is that an older person in a new tech job should really, really avoid displaying arrogance and entitlement. Respect is earned, not given; even if you've spent 30+ years in the field, we whippersnappers don't know how competent you are (or not), until it's demonstrated. I'm not saying you made any of these mistakes, but sometimes it is easy to do some of these things unconsciously. Probably you are perfectly competent, but people like this guy are working against you.
I'd say that's the type of stuff that insecure people do. As a manager (the one that made hire and fire decisions), I saw this type of behavior from folks across the age range. I'd gently suggest that, were you to look around, you'd see others behaving in similar manner; but, for whatever reason, you are noticing it more with this chap.
I remember seeing that attractive folks (of any gender) tended to have these types of behaviors ignored, and "attractive" doesn't just mean someone with whom we want to bump uglies, but also people that satisfy our confirmation bias.
I know that I had to constantly be examining that. I worked in an extremely diverse environment, and managed a lot of folks with a lot of quirks (and brains).
"but, for whatever reason, you are noticing it more"
Most societies indoctrinate people to "respect their elders" to varying degrees.
A younger person having authority over an older person is a role reversal many are not equipped to deal with, from either side of that equation.
So it is noticed more.
Further, this elephant in the room has to be acknowledged before either side can move on meaningfully. But you can't "discriminate based on age" or you might end up in court depending on where in the world you are.
Makes it a tricky problem that I am not surprised people just "avoid".
> I'd gently suggest that, were you to look around, you'd see others behaving in similar manner; but, for whatever reason, you are noticing it more with this chap...confirmation bias.
I agree, I'm well aware of the possibility and am trying to combat it the best I can. But @CarbyAu is right, no one trained me in how to deal with this kind of situation and it is just inherently difficult for everyone.
That said, from his side, if I were a member of a $GROUP that had certain negative stereotypes about it, I'd consider it wise for my own personal interests to try to avoid playing directly into the stereotype.
I'm not sure this is an age thing, but a personality thing. I've worked with several people in their 20s and 30s who have had one or more of these traits, as well as older folks who had few or none.
I'm stopping short of making any generalizations, because in my experience the evidence (for me at least) isn't there to make any. Perhaps things are different elsewhere, though. I'm only speaking from my experience, as I suppose we all are.
I don't think age is the problem there; the guy just sounds like a narcissist. #1 and #2 are huge red flags-- "fake it 'til you redefine success [on your terms]" is a sign of someone mimicking competence.
Just wait until one of "his" solutions fails to perform-- then it's inevitably going to be your fault. Somehow.
I'm 32, and the technical lead of a mid-sized research computing / ML team in quasi-academia. I'm the one who tells the boss whether a hire is technically competent, performing up to standard, is meshing well with the team, etc. So I don't make hire/fire decisions myself but have substantial influence on them.
Usually, when we hire people > 30, they are PhDs with a specific specialty, like statistics. But recently we hired a guy from industry in his early 50s to do some programming, web dev, and light ML. He had, obviously a long CV with programming and some practice with ML/statistics, although nothing related to our field. Here are some of the things this guy has done in the ~1 months before and since his hiring:
1. He frequently bullshits in presentations and meetings, pretending to know things he doesn't know.
2. Very shortly after joining, he has recommended we radically rebuild several of our systems in different, "better" ways -- ways which he's familiar with. For example, we have a web app on AWS Ubuntu, and he has repeatedly asked why we can't just run a Windows server.
3. If he doesn't know something, he insists on getting step-by-step tutorials from technical people in the lab, but tutorials in how to do things HIS way. For example, we all use Linux and an SSH client, but he wasted 2 hours of my time asking how to SSH into AWS using PuTTY on Windows, how to copy files using WinSCP, etc, since of course he only uses Windows. He claims he'll learn Linux eventually, but wants to use what he knows "for now", "so that he can more rapidly produce results".
4. The first time I met the guy in person (not immediately due to COVID), he had plopped himself and his laptop down in my desk, without asking, and even readjusted my chair settings, and complained about my office being messy. I'm #2 in seniority...
Any one of these alone would be...annoying, but all together he is almost a caricature of every ageist stereotype in tech. He expects a level of respect he feels is due his experience level, while simultaneously he resists learning anything about the way his new organization does things...presumably because he knows better?
It puts me in an awkward situation because I'm kind of his technical supervisor. If he were a new graduate student, I would tell him to cut out the bullshit, figure things out, and quit wasting my time (and commandeering my desk). Since he is almost twice my age it is too awkward to read him the riot act, though, and I don't really know how to deal with this.
My takeaway is that an older person in a new tech job should really, really avoid displaying arrogance and entitlement. Respect is earned, not given; even if you've spent 30+ years in the field, we whippersnappers don't know how competent you are (or not), until it's demonstrated. I'm not saying you made any of these mistakes, but sometimes it is easy to do some of these things unconsciously. Probably you are perfectly competent, but people like this guy are working against you.