He’s not saying functional though, he says the worst version of something, which usually means crappy and unpleasant. Things like that make your life a little worse every time you use them. If it’s something like a fork that you use a lot every day, that’s just adding a lot of low-grade background unpleasantness to your life that is completely unnecessary.
"The okayest" would have made for a much better article. I get what he means, but it's really not an argument for the worst thing, and I suspect that if pressed, even Moxie wouldn't deliberately e.g. buy a boat with a gaping hole in the bottom! But generally buying an okay version of something, which has no glaring problems and is available right now for a reasonable price, works pretty well.
Perhaps the comparison between cutlery and motorcycles in the article is a little unfair, because (I imagine?) few people develop experience, knowledge and deep insights into cutlery that lead to a sense of blissful freedom, whereas that can probably happen to someone who gradually learns motorcycle maintenance by overcoming a series of practical real-world challenges.
