I agree. In general, I find the task of "introduce yourself to a specific person" or "make a specific case for something" much much easier than "talk to people about nothing in particular", if only because there is always a specific goal that I keep in mind while talking. So long as I deliver a presentation well and impart all the main ideas, it's going well. I find that small talk is impossible to handle like that because it's too random and there is no specific easy-to-see criterion of success or failure. Others simply paying attention could indeed mean politeness rather than interest.

Staying quiet, I feel, has the unfortunate side effect of making me seem asocial, and I am not quite sure that it is a viable thing to do in a social situation.

> Any other introverts who don't consider themselves shy?

In this society, I think there is pressure for someone who has a shy friend to label them not shy. Maybe because it makes them feel better. To put inordinate emphasis on examples of their friend not being shy to support their argument that the friend is not shy. I think, in general, people will bolster whatever argument they want to bolster. To some friends, I may come across as not shy - but the reality is: Even though I do like being around people, as much I may regret/feel the pangs of being lonely sometimes, I prefer solitude and hiding in my cave regularly. Maybe that is being shy.

As an example, the other day, I was referencing being shy and my friend's wife called me out on it. She claimed that I knew a lot of people (true) in a large number of areas (true). If I am not shy, then how did I meet these people? My answer was that I when I get focused on a project (be it, salsa dancing, learning how to draw/paint, helping a non-profit) - I get uber focused. In this situations, I draw people in because I am supremely interested in soaking up as much as I can about the project du jour. I recognize that I don't know much - I excel in situations where I don't know much but want to know more - and I find, especially, in non-technology situations - that you can't just Google it - you have to talk to actual people. However, most of these people I know - it is a very loose connection - we're not friends per se just friendly. I just know lots of people because I have lots of interests.

I can't talk sports (didn't grow up watching football on TV like many of my peers). I can't talk politics. But I am an extremely good listener - I can draw people out on a one-to-one basis and get them to really talk about what is important to them. Not always, of course (I usually have my force fields up). However, being able to connect with someone on a non-superficial basis is a joy in my life - and it usually happens within minutes - when it happens. It is much harder to engage a group. In fact, at parties, I will be intensely soaking up the conversation (saying nothing but totally being a sponge) and my friends (extroverts) will ask me later - very annoying btw - whether I am having a good time. Usually, I am because I love hearing about other people's lives. In a group situation, I am definitely more passive - and could be seen as a non-participant. And in a way, I am. But I am listening to everyone and everything.

So I am not shy on a one-to-one basis. Does that count?

When I look at true extroverts, I marvel at their ability to work the room. To seamlessly jump from group to group. That skill can be taught - but it is more than a skill - it is a leap beyond being wrapped up in yourself, thinking that everyone is thinking about you.

Sounds like me in a way... I love to talk to someone interesting one on one, but I don't tend to interact as much as a group.

I do have a theory that a lot of the people who engage you in smalltalk also have similar dislike for the practice, but they've been assured again and again that this is something they must do.

Next time someone asks 'What do you do?' (and it is obvious they are just going through the motions)

As an experiment, I recommend you try this: 'Do you really want to talk about that? Let's talk about something we both find interesting'

The question is what are you both going to find interesting? Smalltalk is what you're doing while you try to find something that you're both interested in.

I'm the opposite, great with a group, bad one on one. I think that introverts and/or shy people have the gift of being great listeners. Sometimes in trying to be social we try to do all the talking but forget that we're awesome listeners. In your case it sounds like you take advantage of your ability to be a great listener. People love to talk about themselves so you draw them to you by being able to listen. I think thats an important lesson for other introverts. Extroverts are great at talking to people and introverts are great at listening. Both are essential skills for networking and both should take advantage of their respective skills.

I'm a serious introvert who isn't shy too. Thing is, it took a lot of practice to get that way and I find it hard to believe it was natural for ant other introvert to not be shy too. My practice wasn't deliberate and one day I woke up and realized that yeah, I'm still am introvert but I'm not shy anymore.

The thing that changed my shyness was performing in front of people. I was always bad one on one but if I had to present to a large group I was in heaven. First I played in a band while in high school and now I give presentations to clients and anti-drug talks to parents, teachers, politicians, and students and I love it.

Getting over my one on one shyness was a matter of having to do it out of necessity. I'm running a one man company here and I have to be able to network and sell. I'm not totally good one on one yet though. If I'm near someone I can't relate to in some way then I become awkward and act like a mute but as long as I can find one thing, no matter how small, that we can relate on then I'm good.

This post made me think of a guy I was talking with at a chamber after hours event this past week. He was from Dale Carnegie (I hadn't heard of them till then) and I was having trouble relating and thus was being shy so I asked him for advice and at that point we really hit it off and he not only gave me some great advice but introduced me to some great people. He pretty much told me just about the exact same things this slide was trying to get across. And that's one of my tricks. If I find myself unable to relate and becoming that awkward mute then I'll try to ask for help. It doesn't always work and it's a last resort but when it works i get amazing results. I'm just amazed at how willing people are to help young, struggling entrepreneurs.

Getting involved with anything is also great advice for introverts. I'm on the board of a charity and I've done a lot of free work for them and that has really helped me to connect with fairly important people. There are state officials that know my name and respect me. It's amazing! I'm over here not knowing what the hell I'm doing and these important people know me and have my number in their phones. My intention isn't to brag but to illustrate that this stuff really works. I'm just some random, introverted kid barely into his second year in business and somehow just talking to people has opened the doors to some aweso,e opportunities.