So the gripe is TLS then, because that cert is less about attestation and more not wanting Verizon et al. to inject ads or snoop your data between customer and server.

Attestation is at best a transient side effect of proving your ownership/control of a domain name...

There's perhaps better ways for you to articulate this point I think you are trying to make of "closed club" of Certificate Authorities.

That said a basic google search demolishes that point with there being alternatives to LE.

Also bemoaning the 90 day period seems really weird.