This hits the nail on the head for me and why productivity apps usually aren't worth much.
> This involves a lot of managing of my emotional state, and a lot of REJECTING of outside demands by the world that I conform to how the world wants me to be.
A hallmark of ADHD is emotional dysregulation and impulsivity, so what exactly does rejecting "outside demands" look like? How exactly are you managing emotional state if not with medication? Ironically the only way I've managed my emotional state off medication is by conforming to outside demands and ignoring my individual desires/motivations as much as possible.
An example of rejecting outside demands is seeking out work environments where I can cooperatively seek out tasks, rather than having someone try to order me to do what they want me to do. If I encounter someone who wants to order me around, I'll ignore if possible. And if not possible, I'll change jobs before complying.
Trying to do things because someone is pushing me to do them will result in my becoming resentful, and losing my ability to get into an effective state of flow. But enough places in tech provide enough flexibility that I've been able to find places where I can be productive. And, in a virtuous cycle, productivity can make all sorts of oddities acceptable in an employee.
As for emotional dysregulation, let me address that. ADHD is caused by weak executive function. People with ADHD are slow to realize that we SHOULD do X, and the SHOULD is fairly weak. Therefore it becomes hard to resist emotions telling us we want to do Y instead.
I have two tools to address that.
The first is that at a purely emotional level, I strive to be fairly balanced. I work to address things that cause me negative emotions, like resentment, so that I don't have negative emotions to fight against.
The second is that I attach my "shoulds" to my understanding of what I actually want and care about. As a result the idea "I should X" is reinforced by a DESIRE to do X. And this emotional reinforcement makes it easy to do it.
Ironically, it is always easier to motivate myself in the short term with negative emotions. But the effect of doing so is a breakdown of the positive feedback loop that I'm using to maintain myself. Thus forcing myself only works for a limited time, and then falls apart. And so that short-term solution is toxic for me. I suspect that it is toxic for most people - but my ADHD makes it harder to deal with for me.
That said, everything that I do for me involves doing the opposite of what society pushes me towards. This makes for an interesting balancing act.
Have you looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance, a subtype of ASD? I was misdiagnosed with ADHD, but a psychologist steered me in the right direction. What you describe, avoiding demands, both external and internal, deeply resonates with me, and something I've struggled with since childhood. In my case it is certainly not ADHD, and stimulants don't get me unstuck, and sometimes they increase my avoidance. Guanfacine really helps, though.
I have not. But looking at it, that is clearly not a fit for me.
I've always had a pretty classic presentation of ADHD. Demands were hard for me to comply with, but I never lacked a willingness to comply when I could.
The pushing back against demands that I am describing is a coping mechanism that I find improves my self-control. But I don't avoid demands. In fact I make a lot of demands of myself - as long as they are tied to accomplishing things that I want.
> seeking out work environments where I can cooperatively seek out tasks, rather than having someone try to order me to do what they want me to do.
This is precisely why I chose academia. My whole day is mine, no one tells me what to do except which class to teach, and even then I can teach it how I please. It’s perfect for my adhd. They just let me loose and I do science and bring them money. Perfect arrangement. Sometimes I can be a stereotypical absent minded professor tho, but that doesn’t ever really cut against me. Students complain sometimes but I do my best for them and get high reviews, so I think I’m managing okay.
> An example of rejecting outside demands is seeking out work environments where I can cooperatively seek out tasks, rather than having someone try to order me to do what they want me to do.
> This involves a lot of managing of my emotional state, and a lot of REJECTING of outside demands by the world that I conform to how the world wants me to be.
A hallmark of ADHD is emotional dysregulation and impulsivity, so what exactly does rejecting "outside demands" look like? How exactly are you managing emotional state if not with medication? Ironically the only way I've managed my emotional state off medication is by conforming to outside demands and ignoring my individual desires/motivations as much as possible.