And it's a fair question; I'd guess you were met with downvotes because so much Pronoun Discussion is made in bad faith, but I don't get the sense you were. So I wish more people would use these moments as an opportunity to explain their points of view!

Part of what I mentioned in that other comment is the sparse availability of good gender-neutral words in English ("spouse" is a good one I should have mentioned—great on its own but sadly not applicable to the unmarried!), and something I didn't mention but should have is that it's not uncommon for people to use they/them pronouns while still identifying as male or female to some extent, whether by choice or upbringing or simply to make things convenient when signing paperwork.

You may have heard of the Kinsey scale for sexual preference; there's no widely accepted equivalent for gender identity, but in some cases it offers a similarly useful mental model. One person smack in the middle of "equally (or neither) male nor female" might swear off words like boyfriend and wife entirely, but another person who falls slightly off to the side into the "somewhat but not entirely /exclusively male" camp might use a mix of masculine and neutral terms, but probably not many feminine terms, if any. And then someone who falls into the "entirely and exclusively male" side of the chart would almost certainly object to being called someone's wife, lol.