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I think this is good news, because G/O Media websites are the worst.

I was at UW-Madison when The Onion started. We had a wealth of student newspapers at the time, along with The Daily Cardinal and The Badger Herald. Scott Dikkers and Todd Hanson, writers for The Onion, also wrote great comic strips for the Cardinal (Jim's Journal and Badgers and Other Animals, respectively).

Some favorite Onion headlines that I remember:

https://www.theonion.com/stretch-of-highway-learns-it-was-ad...

https://www.theonion.com/sudanese-14-year-old-has-midlife-cr...

https://www.theonion.com/christ-returns-to-nba-1819563859

And I can't find a link for it, but "Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game".

Incidentally, Jeremy Scahill of The Intercept was also writing for the student newspapers way back in the day, though he was obviously doing political stuff and not comedy.



"Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race of Skeleton People"

https://www.theonion.com/archaeological-dig-uncovers-ancient...

"Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Fillm as Fun, Watchable"

https://www.theonion.com/trekkies-bash-new-star-trek-film-as...

"Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets off on Technicality"

https://www.theonion.com/jurisprudence-fetishist-gets-off-on...


"Secondhand smoke linked to secondhand coolness"

"Schaumburg Man Dimly Aware Of Shadowy, Non-Schaumburg World Out There"

"Clinton Injected With Highly Unstable Experimental Growth Serum"

"Beer! It kicks ass!"

Lastly, the 9/11 issue is one of their greatest achievements. They struck the perfect balance/tone, avoiding "too soon": https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issu...


“CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years”

https://www.theonion.com/cia-realizes-its-been-using-black-h...

They also had one that they didn’t run making a joke right after 9/11 to the effect of…

“America Stronger Than Ever, Say Quadragon Officials."

Also the routine “No Way To Prevent This” headline after every mass shooting only continues to gain potency.


"After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016"

https://www.theonion.com/after-obama-victory-shrieking-white...


Strange, he won


That’s not the 9/11 issue though. (Check the date). And strangely, I can’t seem to find a link to the issue that they published that morning.

Which is a shame, because it was the perfect counterpoint to what everybody else was reporting.

Just a full page photo of the plane hitting the tower and a giant headline:

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!”


That was the first real laugh after. It was just perfect.


Some personal favourites:

Drugs win Drug War

New President Feels Nation's Pain, Breasts

Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be

Awesome Toy Recalled Thanks to Three Stupid Dead Kids

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Alzheimer's Sufferers Demand Cure For Pancakes


On this style, I've loved

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People - https://www.theonion.com/archaeological-dig-uncovers-ancient...

Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land - https://www.theonion.com/study-dolphins-not-so-intelligent-o...


My personal favourite was when The Onion chose 'The Man' as their 1997 man of the year.

https://www.theonion.com/the-onions-1997-man-of-the-year-181...


Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago

https://www.theonion.com/area-man-always-nostalgic-for-four-...


Now and then some of their articles have a little too much truth to them. Go easy on us Onion folks!


Sammy Hagar discovers second way to rock


“Ringo Next” after George Harrison died.


My favorite was "Klemke wins!" the day after Obama was elected. https://www.theonion.com/klemke-wins-1819570336


It would have been a vastly different story if only Cosgrove kept her mouth shut about access to the new all-weather Sedgwick County Park municipal pool.

Pool politics have torn America apart.

Here in Australia we have to make do with The Shovel

https://theshovel.com.au/2024/04/24/rest-of-world-offers-tru...


[flagged]


It would seem not.

I did a quick household poll and, sadly, not one found your comment funny regardless of political affiliation, gender, or species :/

Even the dog yawned.


British conservative, I think it’s hilarious if sweary, but that’s just Australians. Outside the US conservatism and Trump support are, shall we say, loosely coupled. More British conservatives would prefer a Biden victory to a Trump one (40% to 31%).


When I was a young man I felt personally called out so much that I changed up the way I did things:

"I'll Try Anything With A Detached Air Of Superiority"

https://www.theonion.com/ill-try-anything-with-a-detached-ai...



"Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us" https://www.theonion.com/osama-bin-laden-found-inside-each-o...


Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia

https://www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/humor/clinton-deploys-v...

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients


This is my personal favorite.


Can't me mention the T-ball one without also quoting

> Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled


My favorite

"More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas"

https://www.theonion.com/more-american-workers-outsourcing-o...


IMO with the 9-11 special edition The Onion reached its peak.

https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issu...


Right now, Kinja is hosting all the content for The Onion, so it would take a lot of data migration to get all the content onto a different web host.



And don’t forget that Dan savage worked at 4 star video at the time


I was there too and I remember thinking that lots of universities must have humor newspapers as funny as The Onion. Nope!

BTW Dan Vebber also wrote a strip for the Daily Cardinal and wrote for The Onion. He went on to write for Buffy and a lot of other shows, currently exec. producer of The Simpsons. He’s also the genius behind The Two Felipes https://www.mkepunk.com/releases/the-two-felipes-eat-your-fi...


"Startling Report Finds Evidence Democrats May Have Attempted To Influence 2016 Election"




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