That's pretty much the opposite of what I'm searching for. Getting a static site running with https on Dokku on a fresh server is done in under 2 minutes if you type quickly.
That reads like "draw a circle; draw the rest of the owl".
Look, I used Ansible for years. And chef. And puppet, so I've been around that particular block a bunch of times. There's no way you legitimately think that someone can, with no previous experience, create a playbook that does all you need in "~5min".
I ansible a good tool? Absolutely. Does it do what a tool like Dokku (or some of the others mentioned) do? Absolutely not. They aren't meant to compete, either.
1) Run curl command to install Dokku
2) Set up domain to point to my server
3) Run 3 Dokku commands (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41358578)
4) Add remote git url to my repository
5) Git push to that remote
6) Done