I sometimes go to new jobs and hear comments so egregious that at first I laugh because I think they are doing a bit and mocking how bad some other people are. Then it turns out to be in earnest. It's staggering. It's like the took the over-the-top videos from diversity training, and even further exaggerated the behavior from the "don't" section.
As a white male I've never had to deal with bigotry with teeth against me, but I like to think I have enough empathy to at least understand it could be tough to feel different. And frankly, I would assume that many of us in tech might have had some awkward teenage years that could help with that mental exercise. But actually, when I see blatantly offensive stuff, I bet it is due to a lack of imagination on the part of the offender. They truly can not believe that what they are doing would make someone feel bad, that it would make them feel bad if the situation were reversed.
I have, as a white male. We have a captive IT office in south India and when visiting there you really feel like some sort of warlord. [Almost] everyone looks away, tries to act busy, and you are not included in any of the socializing... socializing which you know exists because the most popular place in the office is in the canteen around the tea & coffee machines.
This is not a bitter rant and I have made good friends in that office over the ten years I've been working with them, but to brush with a broad stroke the generalization is accurate. I'm sure it cuts both ways, too, when those folks visit our US offices where there are an ample number of Indians at all levels (my CIO is Indian, along with three of his directs / my peers, for example), but who are homogeneously westernized. They understand the south Indian culture better than anyway, but prejudices are still there.
> [Almost] everyone looks away, tries to act busy, and you are not included in any of the socializing
Indian here, that is probably because they might be intimidated by you. I am assuming that you must be tall.
About socialising, most Indians prefer to talk in their local languages because they are not comfortable talking in English. If you are part of the group they are afraid that they will look foolish in front of you talking in English.
Intimidated, sure, but not necessarily because of height. I am tall, but so are quite a few of our employees (6ft+). English doesn't have anything to do with it for most, either. It's primarily the "big powerful boss from far away" syndrome where a strong enough bond hasn't been forged such that everyone feels a sense of sameness, at least professionally. This is really tough to build, though, in a culture where job hopping is expected, inflation has been through the roof, and employees generally hold very little loyalty for their employers.
You likely had god-like status there. If you happened to go there with a US based Indian cohort who was higher up the chain than you were, and they did not know that, the odds are good that they would ask you to make decisions instead of him/her.
Its a really odd thing. Self inflicted whatever... there must be a scientific name for such behavior.
As a white male I've never had to deal with bigotry with teeth against me, but I like to think I have enough empathy to at least understand it could be tough to feel different. And frankly, I would assume that many of us in tech might have had some awkward teenage years that could help with that mental exercise. But actually, when I see blatantly offensive stuff, I bet it is due to a lack of imagination on the part of the offender. They truly can not believe that what they are doing would make someone feel bad, that it would make them feel bad if the situation were reversed.